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"I knew
that someday I was gonna die / And I knew before I died Two things would happen to me / That number one I would regret my entire life /
And number two I would want to live my life over again" - this quote is taken from an interview with Hubert Selby Jr.
He
answered the question 'What have been some defining moments for you?' by
saying:
"Number 1 – Being born. I started to die 36 hours before I was
born. By the time I was born I was in deep serious trouble. I was blue from
cyanosis, my head was all twisted and out of shape, and a few kinds of brain
damage. My mother, she almost died too, she had severe toxemia, and when she
asked the doctor what she should do about feeding me. He said, "Well, just keep
breastfeeding him and eventually he’ll suck out all the poison." They had to
drag me screaming into the twentieth century. So that was, I guess, a very
defining moment, because I have been defiant ever since. And dying became a way
of life. When I was 18, in 1946, they said I couldn’t live more than 2 months, I
ended up spending more than 3 years in bed, had 10 ribs cut out and all that. In
1988, the doctor told a friend of mine, "According to all accepted medical
evidence, your friend is dead." So dying has been a way of life. But I think
that’s a very valuable thing. I believe that you don’t know anything about
writing till you’ve died. I can’t complain about it, although I do. I complain
about anything and everything, what the hell. Another time, I was married, we
had a daughter, who was two or three years old at the time. I was home alone,
and I had what I realize now was a spiritual experience, although I didn’t
understand it as such at the time. But I knew that someday I was going
to die. And just before I died, two things would happen: Number 1 – I would
regret my entire life. Number 2 – I would want to live my life over
again, and I would die. And I was terrified, absolutely terrified. So I
knew I had to do something with my life. I was terrified of living my whole
life, and at the end looking at it and having blown it. I was on disability at
the time, and my wife was working part-time, I think at Macy’s, it was the
Christmas season, so I bought a typewriter, and decided I was going to be a
writer. I didn’t know anything about writing. But I knew I had to do something
with my life, and that was the only thing I could think to do....So I sat there
for two weeks with that typewriter and I had no idea how to write a story, I
just had to do something before I died. So I wrote a letter to somebody. And
that’s how it started. The long process of learning how to write."
Hubert Selby
jr. Writer, born 1928 in Brooklyn. His works include Last
Exit to Brooklyn (1964), The Room
(1971), considered by some to be his masterpiece, and 'Requiem for a Dream'
(1978). Selby died in April 2004